


I'm Only Good at Being Me (Day Seven - 'Til The End)

by swampslip



Series: Charthur Week 2021 [4]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Chapter 5: Guarma (Red Dead Redemption 2), charthurweek2021, fuck dutch time, what if arthur had rheumatoid lung disease instead lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip
Summary: “I’m not sayin’ I wanna betray the gang or nothin’ like-”“I know,” Charles says gently, “But you don’t have to run away from this conversation.”“… I wasn’t-” Arthur protests weakly but Charles just sighs and Arthur presses his lips together, feeling a bit like a scolded child, “You don’t gotta listen to me whinin’ ‘bout my problems.”“They’re also my problems,” Charles reminds him quietly, “I don’t know what’s going to happen either.”
Relationships: Arthur Morgan/Charles Smith
Series: Charthur Week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117448
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56
Collections: Charthur Week 2021





	I'm Only Good at Being Me (Day Seven - 'Til The End)

**Author's Note:**

> [Title from Being Me by Jack and the Weatherman](https://open.spotify.com/track/6tE8VlXVKGUOd4jodlUp56?si=YRRWjykLSpWFrNmn_JmcpQ)

Charles sits next to him on the cliff nearby their campsite and they both just watch the canyon below. 

There’s a family of deer making their way through the clearing alongside the river that’s sparkling in the setting sun, throwing golden light back up at them, cool blue flowing gently underneath. 

“Thank you,” Arthur says quietly and Charles frowns at him in confusion, “For comin’ with me, I mean.”

“… You’re welcome?” 

Arthur huffs a small laugh and scrubs at the side of his face. 

“Sorry, I’m bein’ silly-”

“Arthur… Are you alright?”

Arthur swallows hard at the question and keeps staring down into the canyon, squeezing his thighs. 

“Honestly?” Arthur says quietly, voice a little hoarse with the confession, “I ain’t sure.”

Charles watches the older man for a minute then leans closer, gently bumping his shoulder against Arthur’s. 

Arthur turns to look at him finally and Charles tilts his head, eyes soft and caring, brows furrowed in concern. 

“Sorry-” Arthur whispers again, “I ain’t used to… Y’know bein’ with the gang, you’re always together but sometimes it still feels like you can’t really talk… Not _talk_ , obviously you can _talk_ but I mean just- There’re expectations and someone always needs somethin’ ‘cause we’re all people tryna-”

Charles’ hand covers his on his thigh and squeezes lightly. 

“Just take a breath,” Charles says quietly, “Fresh air like this, supposed to be good for…”

“Yeah,” Arthur says roughly but closes his eyes and just breathes for a moment. 

And Charles’ hand stays steady on his. 

“You just can’t… Can’t talk about certain things without seemin’ ungrateful, or like you’re betrayin’ your _family_ and it’s…” Arthur looks down at Charles’ hand on his, swallows hard again. 

“What ‘certain things’?” Charles asks softly, “Something’s eating at you.”

Arthur huffs weakly. 

“Yeah, you could say that.”

Charles frowns again and squeezes his hand a little tighter. 

“I just don’t know what we’re doin’ anymore,” Arthur admits quietly, “I don’t know what the point is anymore.”

“… Mostly, I think, the point is not being caught, or dying.”

“Yeah and that’s always been part of it but- But it was never like _this_ ,” Arthur says and gestures roughly with his free hand, vaguely, towards himself and then the world beyond the ledge. 

“I don’t think I’ve been with you long enough… To know what you mean by that,” Charles says slowly, “You’re outlaws.”

“But we wasn’t murderers, not like… Not so senselessly, never women n’ children,” Arthur drops his hand back down to his lap then lifts it to rub his eyes tiredly, “But ever since Micah came ‘round and all that hell that went down in Blackwater… There’s no _point_ anymore, the rules keep changin’ and so does the target.”

Arthur goes quiet for a long moment then rubs his face harder, starting to pull away. 

“Sorry,” Arthur mutters, “I’m just tired of not knowin’ where to shoot.”

Charles’ hand turns, tightens around his and then pins his hand to the grass beneath them. 

Arthur pauses, stuck in place, knowing Charles could easily overpower him if he wanted. 

“I’m not sayin’ I wanna betray the gang or nothin’ like-”

“I know,” Charles says gently, “But you don’t have to run away from this conversation.”

“… I wasn’t-” Arthur protests weakly but Charles just sighs and Arthur presses his lips together, feeling a bit like a scolded child, “You don’t gotta listen to me whinin’ ‘bout my problems.”

“They’re also my problems,” Charles reminds him quietly, “I don’t know what’s going to happen either.”

Arthur feels the pressure on his hand ease then Charles is the one letting go, gesturing at the both of them. 

“Our paths are different, or… Have been, but now?” Charles murmurs and rubs his hands together, kicking his legs just a bit and letting his heels knock against the cliff-face, “They could be one path, _or_ two.”

“… I don’t really know what you mean by that.”

“I mean that we… We are having the same kinds of thoughts, about… Uncertainty,” Charles says slowly and turns his head to look at the older man, “I mean that… We shouldn’t _not_ talk about this, we should find a path.”

“… I wanna get the women and Jack out,” Arthur says like it physically pains him, “John… John needs to take him n’ Abigail and just… Go.”

“Yeah,” Charles sighs, “Tilly and Mary-Beth… Maybe Karen if they can get her sober.”

“I don’t know if Javier would… He’s always been so damningly loyal. Anyone else,” Arthur shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“Without Mister Matthews, Dutch… Seems a little less like he’s on the ground with the rest of us.”

“Yeah… I don’t know what the hell to do ‘bout Dutch, that man…” Arthur makes a rough, frustrated sound, “Sometimes I wonder if he changed, or if I never knew him in the first place.”

Charles makes a soft sound of sympathy and picks up Arthur’s hand, holding it for moment and looking at their fingers like he doesn’t know what to do with it for a moment. 

He meets Arthur’s eyes, and there’s a question in his own. 

“What?” Arthur asks hoarsely. 

Charles’ brows furrow a little more and he sighs quietly. 

“I’m just…” Charles makes a face and squeezes Arthur’s hand before letting go, “Thinking.”

“About?”

“Why you’d choose me, to come with you. To talk to,” Charles says slowly, “Is it just because-”

“It’s because I trust you,” Arthur says weakly, dropping the younger man’s gaze and looking down into the canyon, “And I… Jesus, Charles, feel like some snot-nosed boy sayin’ this shit. I _like_ you, alright?”

Charles is quiet for a moment then carefully gets to his feet and Arthur feels hurt strike through his gut until Charles is reaching down and grabbing his hand back, helping him up. 

And Arthur feels his face burning, standing in front of Charles, not quite able to meet the younger man’s eyes. 

“I didn’t know,” Charles murmurs, “I didn’t think you were… Interested, in anything.”

“I am.”

“With me?”

“… I’m interested in _you_ ,” Arthur whispers, “It’s not just… I ain't just interested in _somethin_ ’.”

Charles squeezes his hand and uses it to tug him closer, tilting his head and pressing a soft kiss to Arthur’s lips. 

The older man freezes, has to fight the urge to recoil in shock it’s been so long since anyone kissed him let alone someone he cares so deeply about. 

Arthur lifts his eyes when Charles pulls back, the younger man studying him for a reaction. 

“I-” Arthur whispers hoarsely, “I…”

Charles presses his lips together and Arthur can see the briefest flash of insecurity on Charles’ face, and that’s the last thing he wants right now. 

So he reaches out and grabs at Charles’ sides, palms the younger man’s ribs through his shirt and kisses him. 

Charles lets out a small sound of surprise against his lips then relaxes into the kiss, letting Arthur guide it as his hands come up to settle on Arthur’s chest, leaning into the kiss, leaning into Arthur. 

Trying to make it abundantly clear that he wants the older man. 

Arthur’s lips part against his and Charles’ fingers curl in the older man’s shirt, squeezing, tugging, trying to get Arthur impossibly close. 

Arthur makes a soft, shaky sound and his fingers dig in Charles’ ribs, tilting his head and guiding the younger man into a deeper kiss, lightly biting at Charles’ lower lip. 

Almost smiling when the younger man groans softly into the kiss. 

“Arthur,” Charles whispers, pulling back just enough to speak. 

“Hm?” Arthur turns his head to kiss Charles’ cheek lightly and the younger man flusters just a bit, pulling back more, licking his lips and looking at Arthur with heated, dark eyes. 

“I mean it,” Charles says quietly, “Finding a path for the both of us.”

“Yeah?” Arthur squeezes the younger man lightly, “I think we can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> [charthur week tumblr](https://charthurweek.tumblr.com)   
>  [charthur week twitter](https://twitter.com/CharthurWeek)   
>  [my tumblr](https://providentialeyes.tumblr.com)   
>  [horny twitter](https://www.twitter.com/swampslip)


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